Apparently “brogramming” is now a “thing”. Looks to me like yet another way for adolescent men to prove to each other how cool they are, despite evidence to the contrary. But hey, if Robin can be a bona-fide bro in How I Met Your Mother, maybe brogramming is something I could get into, too.

After some googling, I found that Brogramming is already a topic on Quora with top question “How does a programmer become a brogrammer?” and there’s also the 10 Commandments of Brogramming.

But when I got to the part about “What to do: … Rage in PHP or your favorite language … Rage at the gym, to attract the chicks and scare the dicks” and “#7 shirts optional” (are these guys trying to tan using their monitors? If so, they need to wax.) I decided that this is not for me. And…seriously, PHP?

Then there’s Commandment #4:

I don’t often test my code, but when I do it I prefer to do it in production: Cowboy up and ship code to the live site.

No thanks.

So I started looking for a female equivalent, and they’re all terrible. The “industry-accepted” term is apparently proglamming, but that just sounds like you’re pro at wearing body glitter, and it reminds me of Rupaul. Don’t even get me started on brogrammette, or worse, hogrammer. I like Deborah Jordan’s answer on Quora “What is the female variant of Brogramming” the best:

“That’s like saying, “what is the female variant of a douchebag.” Doesn’t exist. Female coders don’t need to pretend to be cool.”

Well said! Is it a coincidence that the guys identified as brogrammers are incredibly douchy-looking? More like Jersey Shore cast offs than smart coders. Keep your tight-fit polos on, please.

So I’m still looking for a term for women that’s not derogatory, diminutive, or flippant. How can English have so many words, but be so inadequate at the same time?

Whatever that term is, this is what I want it to embody:

• You can code just as well as the boys, but you don’t think you’re a god.
• You don’t get religious about programming languages, and instead focus on choosing the right tool for the job.
• Your desk and apartment aren’t littered with empty Dorito bags, Red Bull cans, and pizza boxes, because being a good coder doesn’t mean you have to be a slob.
• You think about user experience before you start writing code.
• You prefer flats, but can pull off killer heels as well as any social media maven when the occasion calls for it.
• Your wardrobe consists of more than witty T-shirts and hoodies, and you don’t need $200 designer jeans to prove you have style, and you especially don’t wear them with running shoes.
• You don’t need to brag about how much you can drink nor your sexual conquests to prove you have a life outside of coding.

What can we call this? Any suggestions?